The second draft I had changed things I had found wrong and showed my lecturer, he then told me what he personally thought I could do to it to make it seem more natural, i.e. don't make the characters say the character's name because the audience wouldn't know it otherwise. For example, when Michael arrives home in scene one, originally Sarah said "Hey Mike", which felt unnatural, but when I changed it to "Hey, you" it really felt more realistic.
My third draft of the script was only slightly different from the second, mainly making minor tweaks to the wording, but once I had done that, I sent it to some friends of mine who are either studying how to write scripts, or have already learned how to do so and now write and film their own independent films. They told me to change the location of the final scene to all inside the house, rather than the fight scene being on the drive.
Final Script
“Coercion”
Written by
Gareth
Roberts
2014
EXT.
DRIVEWAY - DUSK. Blood
stains the floor like a crime scene and trails toward the door. We follow the
trail of blood and we start to hear a phone’s dial tone and a woman’s crying
gradually getting louder and louder as the camera pans further and further
across the floor and eventually going through the door, revealing more blood.
Eventually, the camera slowly tilts up, revealing a young woman in her early
twenties bloodied and bruised and holding a phone her ear. The dial tone stops,
the call has been answered. A man answers saying “999, what’s your emergency?”
The young woman gasps, but quickly covers her mouth. CUT TO BLACK.
SCENE
1
INT.
LIVING ROOM – AFTERNOON. The camera
opens to reveal the same young woman only one week prior to the incident, staring
at a pregnancy test that reads “positive” which shakes in her hands, she feels
happy, but equally as frightened. She is soon snapped out of her trance by the
phone ringing. She answers it quickly.
SARAH
H-Hello? (Closes eyes tightly, grips the test)
SARAH’S
FRIEND, JESS, IS THE CALLER
JESS
(Confusedly)
Sarah?
SARAH
(Sigh
of relief) Oh, hi Jess.
JESS
Everything alright?
You sound a bit off
SARAH
(Abruptly)
Yeah
ye—I’m fine. What do you want? I’m kinda busy right now.
JESS
Well, I’ve
just bought a big bottle of red wine, so I thought I’d call my nearest and
dearest to join me, say, Satur--
SARAH
QUICKLY ANSWERS
SARAH
Maybe! Like
I said, I’ve got a lot on this week.
THE
FRONT DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS IN THE DISTANCE. SARAH PANICS.
SARAH
Jess, I
really need to go, I’ll call you soon.
JESS
Sarah?
SARAH
HANGS UP AND HIDES PREGNANCY TEST BY HER SIDE. SHE IS EXCITED TO TELL HIM THE
NEWS.
MICHAEL
ENTERS IN HIS WORK UNIFORM. HE LOOKS TOWARD THE OVEN AND NOTICES NOTHING IS
COOKING. THIS ANGERS HIM.
SARAH
(Giddy)
Hey
you!
MICHAEL
Where’s
dinner?
SARAH
LOOKS CONFUSED.
SARAH
What?
MICHAEL
I said… “Where’s
dinner?”
SARAH
I thought
you said we could go out tonight? Remember? It’s Valentine’s Day! (Timidly smiles)
MICHAEL
What? You
know we can barely afford to live here, why the fuck would I say that?!
SARAH
You told me
that night you went out with your friends, remember? Just after you came home.
MICHAEL
Oh come on!
I was drunk! I’d have said anything to shut you up in that state!
SARAH
LOOKS DOWN, AVOIDING EYE CONTACT AND CHOKES UP.
SARAH
(Softly
in realization) That was the night we--.
SARAH
LOOKS DOWN AT THE PREGNANCY TEST, SLOWLY REACHES FOR IT AND HIDES IT BETWEEN
THE CUSHIONS OF THE SOFA. SARAH STARES BACK AT MICHAEL HATEFULLY.
SARAH
I thought
you meant it.
MICHAEL
(Rolling
his eyes) I’ll say it again, I was drunk! Plus you look a damn sight
better after I’ve had a few (Begins to
laugh to himself).
SARAH
STANDS UP AND MARCHES TOWARD THE DOOR.
SARAH
That’s it, Mike,
I’m tired of this!
MICHAEL
FOLLOWS HER TO THE DOOR BUT BEFORE SHE CAN LEAVE; HE GRABS HER BY THE HAIR AND
PULLS HER TOWARD HIM.
MICHAEL
(Still
gripping her hair) Where the fuck do you think you’re going? You haven’t made
dinner yet.
HE
THROWS HER TO THE FLOOR.
MICHAEL
And make it
fucking quick.
Michael
leaves the room and slams the door behind him. Sarah begins to weep as she
pulls herself up to begin preparing Michael’s meal. She stares on toward the
sofa cushions that hide the only proof of her and Michael’s child’s existence,
now knowing it was not conceived out of love.
END
OF SCENE 1.
SCENE
2
INT.
BATHROOM - DAY. Two days
after scene one; Sarah is in the bathroom partially dressed, wet hair, alone,
getting ready for the day ahead. She is lathering herself in makeup to hide new
bruises given to her from the previous night, as flashbacks are shown depicting
the events that occurred. After the flashback of how she received the bruise; she
is now putting her clothes on which hide scars, old and new. She then stands
and looks at herself in the mirror, to check no marks are on display, but she
soon stops this as she looks at her stomach and thinks about the new biggest
change in her life. She looks side on at herself to see if a bump is visible,
and she also cups her bosom to see if it has increased. She stares at her
reflection like she wants to swap places with it.
END OF SCENE 2.
END OF SCENE 2.
SCENE
3
INT.
KITCHEN. – EARLY EVENING. Sarah is in the kitchen tidying up
ready to prepare dinner, when suddenly the doorbell sounds. Confused, she grabs
the keys and goes to the door and opens it to find Jess with a bottle of wine.
SARAH
Jess? What
are you doing here?
JESS
JESS
(Friendly
Sarcasm) Hello to you too! Well since you hung up on me, I thought “She
can’t hang up on me in person”, so here I am!… I have wine?
SARAH
SARAH
I am sorry about that, but I’m in the middle of cooking right
now and Mike’s home soon—
JESS
(Persistently) Oh come on, one glass?!
SARAH
Jess, I really don’t have ti—
JESS
(Serious) Please?
I really need to talk to you.
SARAH NOTICES JESS’S EXPRESSION CHANGE
COMPLETELY, REALIZING SHE REALLY NEEDS TO TALK. THEY RETURN TO THE KITCHEN
WHERE JESS IS SAT AT THE KITCHEN BAR. SARAH GETS ONE GLASS OUT AND HANDS IT TO
JESS.
JESS
Where’s yours?
SARAH
None for me. I’m gonna carry on making dinner, but I’m
listening.
SHE BEGINS CUTTING CARROTS.
JESS
Okay, well, how are things with Michael?
SARAH
(Hesitates) … They’re
okay.
JESS
Oh good… No problems lately?
SARAH
(Quickly) Nope,
nothing I can think of.
Jess stares at the kitchen surface, shamefully.
JESS
So… Michael hasn’t acted strange or anyth—
SARAH
(Annoyed) No,
he’s done nothing. Why?!
JESS
… Sarah… (Begins to choke
up) Sarah, he raped me.
JESS BEGINS TO SOB, BUT SARAH REMAINS SILENT.
SHE BEGINS TO STARE AIMLESSLY AROUND THE ROOM THINKING TO HERSELF.
JESS
I was so scared coming here in case he was home, but I needed to
tell you, to protect you from him. You’re the only person I’ve told.
SARAH
(Speechless) When?
Did he…
JESS
About two weeks ago… he was out with his friends and I was drunk,
so he took me home. At first I thought he was being nice, but then… he… (Continues to cry)
SARAH LOOKS TO CLOCK TO SEE THAT MICHAEL WILL
BE HOME SOON.
SARAH
(Hatefully) Get
out. Now.
SARAH USHERS JESS OUT OF THE HOUSE.
JESS
Sarah, you believe me don’t you?!
SARAH
Just get out!
Sarah slams the door behind Jess, after which she turns around
and puts her back against the door and begins to weep, sliding down the door
until she reaches the floor.
END OF SCENE 3.
SCENE 4
INT. KITCHEN - EARLY EVENING. Michael is just around the
corner from home, where Sarah is carving chicken to put on his plate. Michael
enters the kitchen, throws his coat down and sits to eat his food, without even
saying hello to Sarah.
SARAH
I saw Jess today…
MICHAEL
(Pauses briefly)… So?
SARAH
Oh we were just talking about you… She said she saw you out a
few weeks ago.
MICHAEL
Yeah she was there, didn’t talk though.
MICHAEL FINISHES HIS MEAL AND SLIDES THE PLATE
TO SARAH. HE LEAVES THE TABLE AND GOES TO WATCH TV.
SARAH
(Smiles to self) Really? She said you did…
MICHAEL
I may have said hello… I can’t remember, I was dru—
JESS
--You were drunk. Yeah you mentioned that.
MICHAEL
(Pauses)… Have
you had the remote?
SARAH CLEANS UP.
SARAH
No.
SARAH TURNS HER BACK TO HIM TO PUT THE KETTLE
ON. IN THIS TIME, MICHAEL BEGINS TO ROOT THROUGH THE SOFA CUSHIONS, WHERE HE
FINDS THE PREGNANCY TEST, AND STARES AT IT.
MICHAEL
What the fuck is this?!
SARAH TURNS BACK TO FACE HIM AND SEES THE TEST.
HER EXPRESSION DROPS.
MICHAEL
This better not mean you’re pregnant…
SARAH REMAINS SPEECHLESS, TRYING TO FIND WORDS.
MICHAEL
(Impatiently) Sarah… Tell me!
SARAH
… Mike… I…
HE MARCHES TOWARD HER
MICHAEL
(Throws test) Oh you idiot! We can’t afford a baby! At least say you’re
getting rid of it?!
SARAH’S EYES BEGIN TO WELL UP AND SHAKES HER
HEAD. MICHAEL SLAPS HER. THE KETTLE BEGINS TO WHISTLE.
MICHAEL
Do you know what this would do to us!? Are you really this
stupid?!
SARAH COWERS BACKWARD SLOWLY AS MICHAEL
FOLLOWS. MICHAEL CLENCHES HIS FIST AND SARAH SEES IT. THE KETTLE WHISTLES
LOUDLY. HE SWINGS FOR HER STOMACH, SHE TURNS HER BACK ON THE BLOW AND GRABS THE
KETTLE AND THROWS SCALDING HOT WATER ON HIS FACE. HE HOLDS HIS BURNS AND
SCREAMS. SARAH THEN HITS HIM WITH THE KETTLE, KNOCKING HIM TO THE FLOOR. HER
ADRENALINE PUMPING; SHE CONTINUES TO BEAT HIM WHILST HE’S DOWN, BLOOD SPATTERS
ON HER CLOTHES. JUST BEFORE SHE CAN DELIVER A LAST POWERFUL BLOW; MICHAEL
KNOCKS THE KETTLE FROM HER HANDS. HE FLIPS HER OVER AND BEGINS TO STRANGLE HER.
WITH THE LAST OF HER MIGHT, SHE REACHES TO A NEARBY KITCHEN SURFACE TO FIND A
WEAPON, WHERE SHE FINDS A CHICKEN FORK. SHE GRABS IT AND STABS HIM. MICHAEL’S
GRIP LOOSENS FROM HER NECK. BLOOD RUNS DOWN HER KNUCKLES SLOWLY AND DRIPS ON
HER FACE. SHE PULLS THE FORK OUT, PUSHES HIM OFF HER AND CRAWLS AWAY OUT
THROUGH THE BACK DOOR, TRAILING BLOOD WITH HER. WE RETURN TO THE BEGINNING OF
THE FILM TO FIND HER CRYING ON THE PHONE.
POLICE
999, What’s your emergency?
SARAH
(Long Pause)…
I’ve just killed my boyfriend.
SARAH PUTS THE PHONE TO HER SIDE AND WE HERE
THE POLICE VOICE FAINTLY IN THE BACKGROUND. SARAH CONTINUES TO CRY, BUT SHE
LOOKS DOWN TOWARDS HER BABY AND BEGINS TO SMILE. SHE IS HYSTERICAL, BUT IS
REASSURED THAT SHE HAS DEFENDED HER CHILD.
CUT TO BLACK.
A TITLE APPEARS AND READS “A MOTHER’S LOVE IS
UNCONDITIONAL”.
END OF FILM.
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